Pewdiecry: Mistakes, Pain, Regrets
by Ms-Monstercat
Summary: Felix and Ryan seem to have a perfectly healthy, loving and caring relationship.One night, Felix manages to get Ryan to attend a ball with him. For once Ryan feels great and he doesn't care who judges them. But one mistake changes it all for them. T for language, sexual themes and other things which will happen later.
1. Chapter 1

****This story is written by two people, myself and one of my good friends. She doesn't have an account on here so I'm putting it on my account, hope you guys like it ^^

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**Ryan's POV**

"No, Felix! Stop it!" I giggled as he tickled my sides again, knocking a few things off the cluttered coffee table.

"Never!" He laughed, tickling harder. I gasped for breath in between my non-stop laughing, slapping weakly at his arms. Luckily the doorbell rang, so Felix had to get off me to answer it. He smoothed down his clothes and hair before he opened the door, since he looked like he had just been mugged.

"Hej Felix! Jag tappade bara genom att säga att du är inbjuden till maskeradbal nästa helg. Jag såg till att få två biljetter så både du och din pojkvän kan komma" I heard one of Felix's friend's say, though I didn't understand any of it. It has only been a few months since I've moved to Gothenburg with Felix.

"Åh, cool. Tack bro." Felix replied and the door closed shut. I sat up, pulling my wrinkled shirt back over my pale stomach as Felix had pulled it up to be able to tickle me better. "Hey Ryyyyan."

"Huh?" Felix jumped on me, knocking me over, a large grin plastered on his face. I gave him a puzzled look but he just kissed me gently, having his arms beside my head as he used them for support so he wouldn't fall on me. I smiled into the kiss, reaching my hands up so I could run my hands through his soft, feathery hair. He pulled away, a soft smile growing on his perfect face.

"Guess what." He smiled, running a hand down my cheek.

"What?"

"We got tickets to this year's ball!" His smile growing.

"A ball? Isn't that well, not quite our thing? With us being together and all..." I murmured.

"So? I would like to show off for once." He grinned and kissed me slowly. I couldn't resist and pressed into him, running my hands through his hair. He gripped my sides and lifted me up, onto the couch and leaned over me. He trailed light kisses on my jaw and down my neck, to the red mark he had left a few nights ago. He gently nipped at it causing me to let out a low moan and roll my head back so he would have better access to my neck.

"Ah, Felix...maybe, not now..." I said, my voice just barely a murmur. He stopped and looked at me, with a soft yet lustful gaze.

"Why not?" He played with the loose fabric of my button up t-shirt. I sat up, gently pushing my boyfriend off me in the process. He frowned.

"Well. If we are going to that ball then I need a suit." I said. Seeing Felix's eyes light up made me smile. "And I think you'll need one as well."

"That's very true." He smiled and got off the couch.

"Shall we go now?" I asked in the most posh voice I could make.

"Hmm. Yes we shall." Felix answered, mimicking my accent. I chuckled.

"Okay, well sir Felix will you please start the car." He smiled and pecked me on the lips.

"With pleasure." He saluted and slipped out the door, grabbing the car keys which lay on the coffee table as he went by. I smiled then went to look for both of our wallets since Felix probably didn't grab his. I found both sitting on our dresser and also grabbed the thin, square framed glasses I wore from off the nightstand. I always did hate them, never thought I looked good with glasses in the first place. I fiddled with them in the mirror for a second, trying to make them look good on my slender face but, like always, it wasn't going to happen. With a sigh I headed out the door and jumped into the passenger seat of the car.

"So-"

"I just wanted to say that you look fine with glasses, they suit you." He smiled, glancing at me before turning back to the road as he backed out of the parking lot.

"What?"

"I know you hate your glasses, you don't wear them unless you need to and they were just lying on the nightstand last time I checked so it would have been easy to just grab them and get into the car but you probably tried to do something with them to make them look 'better'. " Felix explained with a small smirk.

"Oh...Well, you certainly know me then." I chuckled lightly, looking at my lap.

"Seriously though, you look great with them. But, I have to admit maybe you should go get some new frames or something, you know, refresh the look." I nodded, though Felix's opinion still didn't change my own. I still hated my glasses, no matter what they looked like.

"So, suits or glasses first then?" I asked.

"I think glasses, then we can make sure your suit goes well with them." He said with a strong grin which only made me smile.

"Sounds good."

Soon we pulled into the mall parking lot, we each got out and hurried to the entrance since it started to rain and we would get soaked. There were plenty of people in the mall already, all bustling around, many having shopping bags in their arms. We headed towards the nearest glasses shop, Felix already talking about what types of frames I should try and what would probably look good. I just smiled and listened, even though I wasn't too interested in getting new glasses. As I said before I don't like wearing glasses in the slightest. Felix reached to hold my hand but I faked a sneeze then put my hands in my pockets, I do love Felix but there are so many people that, well hate gays. I don't want to be treated differently from others for who I love.

"Then why can't I hold your hand?" We stopped in front of the shop, Felix's voice snapping me from my thoughts.

"W-What?" He can't seriously read minds can he?

"No I can't read minds." He chuckled. "You've been talking out loud for the past few minutes."

"Oh...Oops." I grinned sheepishly.

"Can I help you boys?" A soft voice came from beside us. It was one of the store's employees, she looked nice but the way she eyed Felix made anger rise in my gut. He's mine.

"Oh, we're just looking for some new frames for him." Felix replied and pointed to me. He didn't seem to notice that that girl was practically undressing him with her eyes, or if he did he didn't show it.

"For him? Well, I think I know a pair that would fit him." She smiled kindly but only looked at me for no more than a second before walking over to one of the walls filled with glasses, her heels clicking on the clean tile. She came back with some glasses. "Okay, how about these? They have a nerdy cute sense to them but also a professional look. Why don't you try them on?" She handed me the glasses and took my old ones off. With the anger still in me I put the glasses on and was surprised that I actually looked okay with them on.

"They look great." Felix grinned. I fiddled with them for a second then moved the hair from my eyes and smiled faintly.

"Yeah, I like them."

"So it'll be these ones for sure? You don't want to look around more?" The girl asked, but more to Felix than to me.

"Yep." Felix answered for me.

"Okay. Well I'll just take your old ones to the back to get your lenses check out and I'll meet you at the desk. Oh but I'll need your prescription info." With a glare I grabbed the small package from my coat pocket and shoved it into her open hand. She turned around and went into the back, her stupid heels clicking all the way.

"Hey, you okay?" Felix placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, trying to lighten my tone. He looked over me with a concerned look before going up the main desk. After some long minutes the girl finally came back, but the sight of her made my anger rise once again. She had let her blonde hair down from the tight bun she had it in before, pulled up her short skirt more, unbuttoned a few buttons on her shirt, pushing her boobs up and even added a fresh layer of make up to her already make up coated face. She better not do what I think she's going to do. When she got up to the desk her attention immediately went to Felix.

"So, I got everything in order, your friend's lenses will be made and fitted to the new frames which will take about thirty minutes." She purred to him in a smooth voice, leaning over the counter. She placed my old glasses on the counter along with the receipt, what looked like her number was scrawled onto the paper. "I'm Ashley by the way." She smirked. That's it. I grabbed the receipt and stuffed it into my pocket for when we came back later and grabbed my glasses, also stuffing them into my coat pocket. "Hey, that wasn't for you!" She hissed when I took the paper.

"Well he isn't for you. He's mine." I growled, standing up a bit taller so I could kiss my boyfriend, keeping it as long as I could. I felt him smile into the kiss and entwine our hands together. I pulled away breathless, a large grin was on Felix's face and the Ashley girl looked horrified and disgusted.

"Sorry, but he's right." Felix chuckled, squeezing my hand gently. With one last glare I pulled Felix from the store, Ashley's eyes burning into the back of my head. But I couldn't help but feel much more happy than I was when I left the house, I think I was nearly skipping. Felix squeeze my hand again, a warm smile on his face.

After window shopping for a while we headed back to get my new glasses, Ashley was no where to be seen so an elderly women helped us out. She commented on Felix and I's relationship in a friendly manner, even telling us about her son and his fiance. We paid and said goodbye to the kind lady and headed to the suit store. I moved the new glasses until they sat comfortably on my nose, I didn't even notice I was still holding Felix's hand.

"What can I do for you gentlemen today?" The man currently working at the store asked.

"Just need some new suits." Felix replied. The mans gaze fell to our joined hands, and my face instantly started burn. You shouldn't be embarrassed! I scowled myself. You love Felix, who cares if people judge you, your happy.

"Of course, let me just measure you both then I'll leave the rest to you." He said with a smile though his voice was cold. So after we were measured for sizes we went to pick out our suits, I tried to rush while Felix put basically every suit on me. I just went with a very simple black suit and a bow tie since I thought I looked better with one than a tie, while Felix went with a slightly lighter shaded suit, possibly charcoal and no tie at all. The man looked fairly revealed once we had bought the suits, which were quite expensive if I may add, and practically shooed us from the store with an excuse that they were checking inventory. But really it was a relief to finally get home and collapse on the couch while Felix went to hang up the newly bought suits, saying something up me being lazy as he passed, and I only let out a muffled 'Meh' in return.

* * * 1 Hour before the party * * *

I stood in front of my mirror again. I raise my neck so I could get a better hold of my bow tie. I keep adjusting it until it seemed alright. I smooth out the jet black material and get one last stare at myself in the mirror. Grabbing my new glasses, I set them on my face and adjust them with ease. I really was pleased with them. My reflection gives a weak smile and turns around. "Ryan, you actually look alright." I say to myself.

When I go to open the little cabinet above the toilet to grab my toothbrush, I noticed my hands were shaking like mad. Deep down, I knew I didn't want to go. I love Felix to death, but damn it. People are just so judgmental. I don't want him to be shunned just because of me. I retrieve my toothbrush and toothpaste and set them on the counter with unsteady palms. Sighing, I unscrew the cap and squeeze a thin strip onto the bristles. When I look up to the mirror again, I see Felix in his suit, leaning against the door frame. He had a large grin plastered to his face. Before cleaning my teeth I look back over to him. Raising an eyebrow, I put a hand on my hip.

"Are you some weirdo who likes watching grown men brush their teeth or what." Felix chuckles, but it ended abruptly when he noticed my hands. He advanced towards me and grabbed my toothbrush and set it down. He then gently wrapped his long, slender digits around my wrists. He pecked me on the lips and looked me in the eyes.

"Look Ryan, I know you're nervous. There's no need to be. Please get that through your head, baby. I mean you love me, right?"

I parted my lips and breathed, gazing at his perfect ice blue irises. "Of course I do."

He smiles and puts his hands to mine, raising them to lace our fingers together. He puts his forehead to mine and my heart skips a beat. "Then that's all that matters, hmm?" I barely managed a nod before he backed away and handed me my toothbrush again. "Now get done. We need to leave soon."

I huff at the sudden absence and shift my weight to one foot. "Fine."

I grab it from him and he pecks me on the cheek, walking out of the room afterward; rolling my eyes, I get done with freshening up and head into the living room. My boyfriend sat on the couch, pulling out his phone to make a call to someone. He put it up to his ear and I could hear the ringing as I got closer to him. I hear an electronically muffled voice coming from the speakers. "Hello?" I was a little surprised that I was able to understand the guy. It's so weird hearing anyone else speak my language around here. I place my chin on the top of his head and wrap my arms around his neck. God, he smelt like an angel. Whatever they smelt like, it was really shitting amazing. He glanced up at me and stuttered at the man.

"Uh, yeah. Hey."

Felix smiles at me and snuggles up against my arms.

"Felix! Hey, man!""

He chuckles. "Hey, Sven."

You could hear crackling and shuffling from the other end. "So, what's up, dude?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I'll see you at the party."

"Huh? I thought you said you weren't going."

He gripped my hand and brushed his lips against my skin. Smiling he answered back. "I am now."

"Oh well that's great, dude. Who are you taking?'

Felix turns his head and I start to feel my heart slowly plunge into my gut. His brilliant smile couldn't pierce through my anxiety. "Ryan." I heard the other man "ooo" through the phone.

"Is she hot?" A pang of hurt blasted a hole through my hurt like a bullet.

"Yeah, he's beautiful."

I felt my face go hot and took my arms from his neck and crossed them on the back of the couch, moving my chin down to them. "Wait, what?" It sounded like he had shifted to hear him clearer.

"Oh I didn't tell you? He's my boyfriend."

There was a long pause. "Oh." Was all he said.

Oh? Oh? What was that supposed to mean? Was "oh" bad? Was it good? What did that mean? I felt my heart beat faster and I looked away from Felix to the ground.

"Well, I'm happy for you, bro. Just tell me when stuff like that happens next time, kay?" He chuckled and so did Felix. "Sorry man, just gotta little caught up the past weeks. It's been ridiculous." I felt his eyes lock on me. My face went red when I caught on to what he was implying. My hand rubbed the side of my neck that had the little love bite. It's a good thing the collar of my shirt covered it up.

"Alright, I'll see ya there, Svenny"

"Alright, man."

"Bye."

"See ya."

He ended the call and got up. Grabbing his keys and wallet, and stuffs them both in his pocket and turns to face me. Flashing me his heart-stopping smile, he steps up in front of me and adjusts my bow tie. "There we go, silly." He grabs my wrist and starts to pull me towards the door. He led me to the car and opened my door, gesturing for me to get in. "After you." He smiles. I return it. Hopping in for the third time today, Felix makes his way around the front and gets in himself.

As he starts up the car, my sight falls down to stare at my upward-facing palms. They were shaking again. I stuff them in the pockets of my jacket. Felix starts to gradually back the car up and we were on our way. I couldn't help it at all. I was dreadfully nervous. It all went to my hands, which were practically flopping around in my pockets. I glanced over to him. Those eyes I loved so much were fixated onto the asphalt ahead. Sighing I sink back into the leather seat. Please dear God let this be over soon.

When we parked, I had my eyes closed. Felix nudged me slightly and I reluctantly turned to look at him. "Ryan. Please. Stop working yourself up for nothing." I stare at him blankly. "What are you-"

"I know you're nervous. Did you even take what I said into consideration?"

I sigh and slump. "I-I . . . I'm sorry. I can't help it."

Felix unbuckled his seat belt and shifted himself to face me. "Well, I bet I could."

Before I could even comprehend what he meant, his lips were on mine and his arms snaked around my waist gently. My eyes widened slightly from the sudden contact. They darted to the windows of the car. We were parked towards the back of the building, but still. Someone could see us. My hands started rising to push against his chest. "What?" He asked confused, pulling away for air.

I breathe. "Felix someone could see."

"Don't worry about it, Ryan. I could honestly care less."

His hands found their place back on my hips and the warm feeling of his lips on mine returned. It's not like I wanted to stop him, but a part of me was lined with alarm bells and they went off all at the same time. He had raised his knee onto the console so he could make his way to the passenger's side. He moved his arms to wrap around my neck and I fell back against the door. He bent over me, lining my neck with kisses. Just like this morning. I remembered how nice it felt and how I actually had the will to push him away . . . but now. I just really wished we weren't in a parking lot.

My body went limp in his soft hold as he trailed his lips across any bare skin. I shivered when he reached my ear, feeling the hot breath play against my lobe, making me let out a small giggle. Our bodies fit nicely against each other since I was on my back against the plush cushion of the seat. "F-Felix. . ." I murmur quietly as his hands trail further down my torso. He looked at me through blonde eyelashes. I shivered again, but shook my head. He moved up from my neck to touch noses. Even though his weight held me down mostly, I squirmed out from under him and gripped his wrist. I sat up and started to lean towards the backseat, giving a tug on his arm. When he didn't respond, I looked back at him a little desperate for the gap between us to be closed again. He was starring at me with soft eyes. Giving a smile, I pull him over to the backseat with me. He landed on top of me, laughing as we tumbled. I really needed him right now. This time I crashed my lops onto his and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him down. I felt him smile against the kisses and he bent his elbows, laying his hands on my chest.

He moved them up to massage my shoulders slowly and with great force. . . I licked my lips and gave him one last sloppy kiss, and before I knew it, my hand had found the metal buckle to his belt. A small gasp/moan escaped his mouth and I kissed him frantically again. I got his belt unbuckled, but Felix sat up suddenly. He grabbed my wrist and gave me a cheeky smirk. "Nuh, uh uh!" He wagged a finger at me.

"Ryan, what came over you? Are you forgetting we're in a parking lot?"

I sat there in disbelief for a second and gave him a shove. "You're the one who jumped on me first."

He smiled. "You're relaxed now, huh?" He leaned down and pecked me softly before climbing off of me and over to the front. I huffed and sat up.

"We should get going." I rolled my eyes and climbed into my seat. Straightening up, we both get out. After joining each other to start walking towards the old cinema that was now used for big events like this one, Felix's hand slipped into mine and for some reason I didn't feel awkward. We pushed the double doors open that had posters for tonight's ball plastered across the windows. Felix apparently knew where he was going because he pulled me by my wrist now. We were stopped before going into another set of double doors when a lady asked for our tickets. He handed her the two slips of blue paper and she smiles.

"Have a nice evening, gentlemen."

When he opened the doors up to reveal a large Victorian styled room, complete with huge, tall columns, my heart sank to my heels. A huge just, blanket of people were spread across the place. On second thought, I am starting to worry.


	2. Chapter 2

Ryan's POV~

My heart had detached from its place in my chest and tumbled its way down to my ankles. I hadn't even noticed when Felix started pulling me forward through the crowd of people. The sea of bodies was way bigger once you actually became a part of it. My feet simply were forced to shuffle across the polished marble floors so that I wouldn't trip and be sent crashing down upon it.

I stare at all of the people in the costume outfits. The whole thing was quite aweing. Everyone wore decorative masks. Some had feathers sticking out of the sides. Some were dawned with beautiful fake jewels or gems and sequence. The whole room was amazing and let off a mysterious glow from the crystal chandlers that hung above. This place used to be a huge theater for the arts. One of Sweden's finest. The building was highly known and recognized for the amazing performances that were held here. Outstanding actors and actresses arose from this legendary place. There seemed to be a taste of mystery in the air which added a nice touch to the room. It truly felt like this was an old-fashioned ball.

But, automatically, the thoughts about all the countless things that could go possibly go wrong flooded through my mind and extracted from the self-coaching I had given myself before. It came strong like pure alcohol and made me dizzy. I was brushing past a lot of other people, men and women, in high classed and expensive brands of clothing. Some of them narrowed their eyes at me as I did so and I would stutter a muffled apology.

It was so crowded towards the middle of the room. The heat that radiated from the close bodies around me was killing me. Their presences scratched at my throat and made it hard for me to breath. It wasn't as bad as night clubs though. I remember the first time I went to one with an ex-girlfriend some years ago. It was torturous and I told myself that I'd never put up with it again. The loud, blaring music and constant contact of others was way too much to handle.

However this situation was far different, I still didn't enjoy the spacing between people. Why couldn't he have dragged me along the side of the room? Maybe he was trying to get me used to the feeling that I would just kind of have to deal with it. But anyhow, he had continued to pull me across the room. We broke though the biggest part of people and slowly, after what had seemed like an eternity of drowning in the hot breath of other strangers, we ended up at a corner of the large room that had some tables set up with refreshments. Gorgeous white tablecloths draped over them and fell to the floor perfectly. Things like a classy fruit punch bowl, and oeuvres like sliced cheeses in the shape of diamonds, avocado wrapped in prosciutto, spiced walnuts and almonds, caviar, grape tomatoes with basil, marinated artichoke hearts, stuffed mushrooms, and so much more garnished the tables. Along with a table that was especially reserved for drinks like champagne and white wine.

It all was very professional, and a citation to the once bustling theater. Felix had suddenly stopped walking all at once which surprised me, so I turned my head to look at him with a puzzled expression. There were four other people standing in front of him.

I shifted to face them fully and Felix smiled at me. There were three guys and a girl. The guys were dressed in fancy suits and didn't have any masks on, the girl however, were wearing a short ruffled white dress and did have a mask. "Ryan, these are some of my friends that I said I would meet up with at the party." Inside my mind raced. I slowed my breathing and silently exhaled deeply. I had to try for Felix. I promised him. I smiled widely and gave a small wave.

"Uh. . .Hi, I'm Ryan."

"Hey." One of the guys with tousled blonde hair responded. The rest of them chimed in and greeted me with warm hearts. No glares. No judgments. Although none of them showed any signs of disapproval, my guard was still up high, but my tension loosened slightly and I tried to relax. "I'm Sven,' the man with the blonde hair spoke up, "and this is August, Bengt, and Annabelle." They all smiled again and waved.

"Hey!" Annabelle chirped. She turned to Felix and leaned close to his ear, attempting a whisper but failing dreadfully. "You gotta really nice catch there Felix." I saw her look at me and back to him with a wink. I felt my face color slightly and I stared down at my shoes. She bounced over to me and grabbed my wrists. I flinched slightly, but looked up at her. "Hey! Don't worry, it's not like it's a secret." she smiles. I felt my mouth tilt upwards.

"Anna, I think you're scaring him." Sven spoke through a chuckle. She looked over her shoulder and glared at him playfully.

"Oh shut up, you're just jealous of Felix." He rolled his blue eyes at her. She grinned at me once more and swished back around to face everyone. "Come on guys, where's your masks, hmm?"

We all looked around and shrugged. "Gah, you guys are so oblivious. This is a masquerade, and the biggest rule is you gotta have a mask!"

August arched a brow. "I don't recall parties ever having rules." She sighed at him.

"Come on guys, please? Besides you all look weird without one." She stopped to gesture around her. "Look at everyone else. They're all wearing masks." They all grumbled at her and exchanged glances. Mostly ones that said, _'She's so weird.' _ I thought about it and just when Felix turned to me with the same face, I furrowed my brows.

"No, I think she's right." Anna turns to me, her chocolate eyes beaming behind her mask. "Really?"

"Yeah," I grin, "come on, I mean isn't the whole masked mystery thing the whole point of this kinda party?" The guys looked at me for a while. Bengt put a finger to his chin.

"Guys, they gotta point." Anna runs up to me and loops her arm through mine. "Of course we do." I nod. "So where do we get one?" August sighs.

She nods her head into a direction away from us. "They have a table over there just for the goofs who didn't bring one. You make it yourself." Felix breaks through me and Anna and loops his arm with mine instead. He smiles at and sticks his tongue out playfully. She huffs and punches his shoulder softly with a chuckle.

"Now that I think about it, it does sound kinda fun." Felix smirks. "Let's do it." Bengt and August nod and grin. We headed over to the table Anna told us about and saw many different things. There were pieces of colored plastic and hot glue. Jewels, glitter, rhinestones, feathers, and a lot more things to decorate with. The guys plunge in and I sit back and think.

I scanned over all the items again. I didn't want any of it. I wanted something more simple, but something unique. My mind wanders as I watch the guys suddenly hawk over the pieces, competing to see who could make there's the best, and fastest apparently. I laughed as it was grade school again. Suddenly, my eyes find themselves gazing at a simple piece of white plastic. Something about it just seemed to draw me in. I brush past the boys to pick it up.

I glanced over at the complex creations being glued together. The guys were making out there stuff, but although it did look pretty sick. I smile looking back to the simple, yet unique plain round piece of plastic I held in my palms. As I put the mask in one hand and ran the other over its smooth surface, an idea slowly poked its way into my head.

I return to the table, looking for something in particular. After a while of searching past the others' shuffling hands, I found what I wanted. I grabbed the black marker and saw it was permanent. Great. I smile as I took the cap off with my teeth, the pungent smell of the ink filling my nose. My hand steadies before I start to move the marker over the whiteness. I could do anything I wanted, but my fingers seemed to have already chosen an idea for me.

I stick my tongue out as I work, being really careful to make it come out clean. I pull my hand with the marker back, straight up so it wouldn't stray mark. I smile to myself. "Perfect." Two small black circles stared back at me. The straight line for the mouth seemed to just scream. "Put me on, Ryan!" So I did.

I turn to the others. They already had theirs on, laughing and pointing out the cool stuff about each other's. Felix stopped and looked at me, causing the others to shortly follow. "That's your mask?"

I nod, proudly. Annabelle laughs.

"I think it's adorable! It suits him!" I saw Sven smile.

"I agree completely." Bengt and August did also.

"I declare Ryan, here, the victor of this competition!" Felix raised my arm in the air and they all clapped. I blushed behind my mask and chuckled.

_~_Later_~_

The music had started to die down from the classy upbeat to a nice slower tune. The place had a new live band playing and I eventually decided to check it out with Felix. Now I know that a live band didn't really suit the whole masquerade deal, but they were actually pretty good and likeable for all musical tastes. They pretty much just did covers of well-known songs from other artists and gave them a more softer feel. There were four people. All guys. A drummer, guitarist, vocalist, and pianist. Yeah, a classical pianist. My fingers ached and twitched to play around with the keys of the big white grand piano. I sighed and relaxed against Felix's shoulder as I listened to their music.

The rest of Felix's, and I'm starting to think, my friends were over at the refreshments table. "So you have a good time?" My boyfriend broke through my mental babble and my eyes gaze up at him. I nod. "Mhmm. I actually am. Thanks a lot for taking me."

He smiles. "I told you." I blush. I don't know why either, I was just so happy. Happy I was here with him and not caring what anybody else thought. Happy of being accepted by actual human beings. Just, overcome with a sense of happiness that I wish I could keep forever and ever.

All at once my heart quickens. The overhead lights dimmed and I noticed something I never did notice before. There were smaller lights wrapped around the stage and its huge black curtains. They flicked on and the room was filled with a beautiful even softer yellowish white glow. The vocalist from the band had gotten close to his mic and tapped on it softly, a loud muffled boom echoed through the room. He flinched and raised his hands. "Sorry about that everybody." A burst of chuckles and laughs filled the room with that amazing echoing effect. He laughs himself and continued. "Alright, how do you guys like the music?"

Loud shouts of "yeah!" and "woo hoo's" stood out from all the other combined mumbles of approval. Felix and me look over at the refreshment table, and see the guys still shouting, Anna shaking her head at them, but chuckling. We smile and turn back to the guy. "I'll take that as a yes! So this next one is gonna be a nice, slower one for all of you couples that are shuffling awkwardly out on the floor." He winks and the laughter comes back. "I'm pretty sure most of you know it by now. But anyways, here it is."

The gentle tone of the piano fills my ears and I recognize the tune immediately. Fix You, by Coldplay. I felt Felix shift away from me and I glance back up at him in confusion. He starred down at me with a beautiful smile that made me want to melt. He held his hand out. I look at it then back at him. "Felix. . . I couldn't help but to grin at him and blush. "Wanna dance?"

The words were so corny like words from out of an old movie, but when they came from his mouth, the whole world seemed to freeze. My mind shutting everything else out except for him and I. It took me a while to find the words to respond. But they didn't seem to fit correctly with the perfect situation. So words alone completely subsided and I just nodded, placing my hand within his. His fingers coil around mine and pulled me up from the bench we sat at.

We grabbed our masks and slipped them on. I stared into the eyes behind that silly thing as we made our way past the other people. Gently, he pulled me close to him just before the words to the song started flowing gracefully through the room. I looked down at my feet. "Uhm, Felix. . ."

"I'll teach you." I looked up to him in surprise. He knew exactly what I was going to say. Either way I smiled and nodded softly. "Okay. First off, this hand goes here and the other one goes over here." I place my left hand upon his right shoulder and my right hand onto the seam of his left sleeve. "Just make a simple box like this." He smiles and steps back, one foot at a time, then right, forward, and left.

His hand rested on my hips as he did so. I smile silently and felt my face color behind the mask I came to love. "All right. I think I got it." I mirror his actions, and caught onto it pretty fast.

We eventually started circling around the room making the little squares with our feet. I hadn't noticed it, but a lot of people had made room and cleared the floor to cluster around the sides of the room. My heart slowed as I found that we were the only people in the middle, the eyes of all the other people were on us. Not judging eyes. Not narrowed or sunken deep in blind hatred. Kind, soft, gentle and warm gazes as if they were all smiling upon us giving silent blessings. I let out a breath of happiness as I saw Felix smile down at me as I took it all in. "I love you so much." He whispers.

I couldn't get this stupid grin off of my face. Words still couldn't form correctly in my mind, so I had to

Settle with nodding my head frantically as I felt the tears threaten to slip from my eyes. And of course, he understood and just smiled like he always does. Right before I stood on my tiptoes to brush my lips against his, I saw a slight shinning on the dark texture of his suit. I arched a brow and looked up above me at the towering ceiling. A flake of something bright hit the hole for my eye. I stopped to pick it away and stare down upon it as it now lay on my fingertip. It was a small piece of metallic confetti that glittered a breath-taking gold. It was raining confetti. My hands started to shake as I looked up at Felix again, seeing a few pieces had fallen in his hair, making it put off a much more blonde color. I gape in awe as the whole open room starts to be topped with the slow-falling pieces of gold. They reflected against the soft lights and made the setting even more perfect. The band hit the chorus and I nearly let the tears fall in pure joy as I hear the soft voices of the crowd start to sing along. I gaze into his eyes.

"This is. . . Absolutely everything I have ever dreamed of."

He smiles again, not saying a word as I continue the kiss I wanted to give him. He kisses back so gentle and delicately.

_Tears stream  
down your face  
And I...  
Promise I'll learn from my mistakes_

Our eyes flutter open to lock onto each other's. We both took our masks off one last time. I never want to let this go. Just the thought of having to let go of him, leave his perfect arms and this building pained me. But I shook those feelings off and focused on what was happening right now. Me. Him… Us. We're all that mattered right now.

I nestled my face into the crook of his neck. "Ryan. . . Meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was a choice. But I didn't have any control over falling in love with you." He kissed me on my head and rests his chin on it as the last lines of the song stuck with us both.

_Lights will guide you home  
and ignite your bones  
and I will try. . .  
To fix you_

It ended. The perfectness. The beautiful voices of many in unison. The lights. The feeling of our bodies together. But it's something I swore to never forget as long as I lived. It's something I swore upon. I pull away from Felix and gazed up at him softly. He just . . . smiles. We were both at a loss of words. And with this, we entwined our fingers together and walked away from the spot in the center. I felt the eyes of others on us as we passed by, exchanged "awe's" were heard and I blushed. I felt him squeeze my hand. I loved him so much. Nothing could ever separate us. Even if it did, I know somewhere deep in my heart that we would always find our ways back to each other. And I think I would wait two eternities just for that moment. Nothing could change my mind about that. Absolutely nothing.

~3~

It was well past midnight before we started to drink. We all had spent the past few hours dancing across the polished floor and decided it was a good time to take a short break. Felix, Sven, August, and Bengt just had normal beers while Annabelle and I had apple tinies. I couldn't even take one sip before Bengt was chuckling softly at how I was having such a girly drink. Soon Sven joined in along with the others, including Felix.

"Well fine then, I'll go with my other girly drink drinkers." I huffed, taking my drink and starting towards the bar that was situated directly opposite of our table across the floor.

"Oh c-come on Ryan." Felix said while trying to hold back his giggles as the others started to laugh harder.

"No Felix, I will be over there." I pointed to the bar. "Once you are ready to apologize." I turned around and flipped my imaginary long hair over my shoulder and kept walking. The others burst out into howls of laughter at my sassiness and I couldn't help but crack a large grin from behind my mask. I slipped through the crowd of people, keeping my drink steady as people pushed past and bumped into me, some being kind enough to say an apology before they were on their way. It still shocked me that no one had judged me and Felix when we were dancing, or if they had they were considerate enough to not saying anything.

When I got to the bar only a few people were milling around it. A pretty woman in an elegant white and sapphire blue dress and two men deep in conversation, I stood there like an idiot for a second until one of the men caught sight of me and waved me over. I pointed to myself and the man chuckled and nodded.

"Yeah you, the guy in the poker face mask" One of the men said. He wore a tan suit, white shirt and blue tie underneath which would have been an unusual combination but it had fit the man well. The blue tie matched with his bright blue eyes and come to think of it, they were the brightest blue I had ever seen for eyes.

"Um hi" I said weakly, not really used to talking to people I didn't know. The man next to the bright eyed one had a large grin on his face. His hair was quite similar to his friends but unlike his friend who had tousled dark brown hair that stuck up in places, giving him an innocent look, it was a much lighter brown and cut a bit shorter and tidier giving him a more rugged look. His face was lightly littered with faint freckles and his eyes a gentle green. Nothing about him seemed to match the red suit he wore, black shirt underneath and no tie, but like his friend, he still pulled the look off. Both of the men had their masks lying on the bar counter, both matching their suits in some way.

"Why don't you have a seat?" Blue eyes smiled and patted the stool next to him. I gave a nod and sat down, downing the last of my drink and placing it and my mask on the counter.

"I'm Dean by the way." Green eyes said, holding out his hand which I shook. He pointed to his friend. "And this guy here is Castiel but usually everyone calls him Cas for short."

"It's nice to meet you both, I'm Ryan." I said.

"Same goes to you Ryan. Right, Dean? Dean?" Castiel shifted in his seat to get a better view of Dean who was currently staring at a couple dancing on the floor. The look on his face couldn't have been any happier.

"Who's that?" I asked. The couple danced smoothly, looking at each other with such love in their eyes.

"Oh, that's Dean's brother Sam and his fiancée Jessica. They just got engaged so they decided to come up to Sweden to the ball. Dean of course, wanted to go as well, saying that it would be fun if we went-"

"Wait, you two are…together? Like as in a couple?" I interrupted.

"Yes we are. Do you have a problem with that?" The tone of his voice was calm but his eyes showed anger. He had dealt with enough homophobes already.

"No! No, I-I was just wondering. I'm here with my boyfriend as well; he's sitting across the hall with some friends at the moment." Castiel's eyes softened and he smiled.

"You two were the ones dancing when they played 'Fix you' weren't you?"

I blushed a little and nodded. "Yeah we were."

"Well he loves you that is for sure." Cas chuckled softly. "You two will probably be together for a while."

"I hope so." I said with a smile. I really do hope what we have will never end. The current song ended and a more upbeat song started to play. Dean's brother and his spouse moved off the dance floor then headed in Dean`s direction.

"Yo Sammy!" Dean beamed at the taller man, jumping off his chair and meeting up with his brother.

"Hey Dean" Sam smiled and pulled his brother into a hug. I couldn't tell who was older since Sam was about a head taller but Dean looked older.

"And there's Jessica looking as lovely as usual." Castiel smiled softly.

"Awe, hey Cas." She said with a bright smile, giving him a tight hug and kiss on the cheek. I felt weird just sitting here while the others talked with themselves, totally un-aware of me now. I called the bar tender over; a middle aged women, her mousy brown hair was done up tight in a bun and wearing a sort of tux for women, she smiled once I said what I wanted and turned away to start making it.

"Hey Ryan, we're going to go back to our table, but if you want to come over sometime we sit over there." Sam stretched out one of his long arms to point to an empty table closer to the wall on the right side of the room. Dean, Cas, Sam and Jessica all said their goodbyes and headed over to their table, I gave a quite 'bye' back to all of them but was surprised when Jessica gave me a tight hug before hurrying over to where Sam stood waiting. He looked at me and shrugged with a wide grin on his face. I took the newly made apple tinie in hand and drank it all in one swallow then ordered for something stronger; rum on ice. I felt a tap on my shoulder just as the glass' edge touched my lips; the ice clinked on the glass.

"I see you've put down the girly drinks and picked up the manly ones." A voice chuckled from behind me. It was Sven. I smiled a bit.

"Hey Sven, I'm just having a stronger drink that's all." I said, taking a large gulp, draining half the glass. The burning sensation in my throat was already getting easier to bare.

"Ah, I see. Well if you want a stronger drink I suggest a zombie." He said while taking the empty seat next to me.

"A zombie?"

"Yep, they're really good, strong too." He waved the bartender over and ordered a zombie and a corona. "I think you'll like it, it has pineapple in it."

"Well okay." I tipped the glass back finishing off the rest of my drink. "Where's Felix?"

"He's dancing with Anne I think." Sven said in a bored tone. I nodded and scanned the sea of people but couldn't see Felix anywhere; he wasn't even at the table. I frowned, my paranoid-self waking up. What if he's walked out on me? Or he's found someone else? I dug my nails into my palm just as the drinks came by, still looking around the large hall.

"Hey, take a drink. You seem pretty stressed." Sven nudged the glass closer to me. I sighed and took the glass, our hands brushing.

_Shut up, Felix would never do that to you. He's probably in the bathroom or something, just- just loosen up. For Felix's sake. _I mentally kicked myself. I grabbed the drink, tipped my head back and downed the whole glass. The liquid burned my throat harder than the rum did but it felt more soothing now and it actually didn't taste too bad.

"Another." I nodded to the empty glass which the lady took and went to make another. Sven grinned and took a drink from his glass.

_~Later~_

About six and a half zombie's later I was starting to feel tipsy, warm and stupid. Apparently I'm a stupid drunk, or so my friends have told me. I was surprised when Felix hadn't come searching for me; he knew where I was after all.

"Ryan I think you've had enough." Someone chuckled from beside me while I finished off the drink that I had in my hands. I wanted another though; I felt happy, care free. I was finally free of my nagging paranoia. Who was the guy next to me though? He was closer than a normal friend would be and he had his left hand resting on my thigh, though it was slowly creeping closer to my crotch. Maybe it was Felix. My drunk-self grinned and turned to the man beside me and the man grinned back. I couldn't tell if it was Felix but he sure looked like Felix, and if someone looks like someone they must be the person they look like. Damn I'm confusing myself. The man had the same colour of sandy blonde hair that Felix had, probably the same hair style as well or close to. I think Felix may have got a haircut before the ball, I don't remember. He also had Felix's eyes, but not as bright or as blue like the sky, or tropical ocean water.

"Felix?" I tried.

"Yea, Ryan?" The man replied and I grinned widely again. It was Felix, my Felix.

"Just checking to make sure it's you." I giggled, resting my head on his shoulder. Funny, he didn't smell like Felix usually smelled like, maybe he used different cologne tonight. What did he smell like anyways? I furrowed my brow as I tried to get thoughts through my clouded brain. Felix grinned.

"Well it's me." He kissed my hair gently. I giggled again and reached out to his face with clumsy hands, trying to pull his face towards mine. He seemed to get what I was trying to do and tilted my chin up with his hand and brought his lips towards mine.

_**Felix's POV**_

"Okay, okay, okay. Annabelle grinned. "Try him." I chuckled as the tall man fixed his gaze on me. We had stumbled across Sherlock and John when we came back from the buffet table to see them sitting at our table. John had apologized, saying how they thought no one was sitting at the table but Anna insisted on them staying. Now Sherlock was telling things about each of us, things he would have never known about and yet he still knew just by looking over us.

"He's a consulting detective." John had explained earlier while Sherlock was going over August's life. "We work in London but Sherlock's brother Mycroft insisted that we come here to attended the ball. Sherlock wasn't too happy about it but I persuaded him." He smiled.

"You live with your friend, no boyfriend who has trust issues, and only really trusts you. You constantly want him to open up to others or get out of the house and suggesting by the new suits you had just bought them today specifically for the ball, am I right? You very much wanted to go, however your boyfriend didn't. Now, you've always wanted to do something with video games as you keep moving your right hand fingers constantly, mostly index and middle finger so you would mostly play for PC." He paused, taking another look over me. "You trust and love your boyfriend very much. He's had a troubled past has he not?" I gaped at him, not knowing what to say. He had clear explanations for everything else but how in hell could he have figured out that Ryan has had a troubled past?

"Yes, that's all correct…" I murmured.

"Well of course it is, I've never been wrong. I wouldn't get such a simple person like you wrong." Sherlock scoffed and took a sip of tea.

"You sure are smart." Anna smiled, twirling a stray lock of hair with her fingers. Sherlock gave a short laugh but didn't seem to care about her.

"So John, are you and Sherlock here together, or just as friends?" Bengt asked, taking a sip of his drink. John opened his mouth to speak but Bengt interrupted him. "I mean if you're together it seems like Anna has the hots for Sherlock." He pointed a finger at Anna who was currently trying everything to get Sherlock to pay attention to her.

"I am not gay!" John shot at Bengt.

"Now, John. Why would you say that?" Sherlock spoke up. He got out of his chair and went over to where John sat, draping his long arms over John's shoulders and leaving them lying lazily across his chest.

"S-Sherlock…" John warned. Bengt and August grinned, Anna looked crushed.

"John you must get over this silly little fear of yours, many people accept same sex couples now. I mean just look at Felix's friends." Sherlock purred into John's ear.

"We are totally okay with gays and even know lots of people who are too." August put in and I nodded.

"You see? Now…" Sherlock whispered something into John's ear making his face turn a slight red.

"Sherlock, no." John said.

"We ought to be going now, right John? It was- nice to meet you all." Sherlock pulled John up from his seat and whisked him off into the hall somewhere.

"Well. That was lovely." I chuckled. The others laughed, though Anna still looked a bit sad.

"But what was with that part about Ryan having a troubled past, Felix?" August asked.

"Oh, that was nothing." I murmured. Speaking of Ryan, where is he? "I'm going to go find him though, be right back." Feeling a bit of guilt for not looking for Ryan sooner, I quickly went over the conversation we had before Ryan went off and remembered that he had went to the bar. Wait, why was Sven gone so long as well? He was only getting a drink…

My eyes went wide at the sudden realization and I roughly pushed by people to get to the bar. The site made my heart cringe, tears formed in my eyes. Sven had Ryan pushed up against the wall closest to the bar, hands traveling up Ryan's shirt, Ryan's hands locked around Sven's neck. He was practically shoving his tongue down Ryan's throat, _my _Ryan's throat. But- Ryan seemed to actually _enjoying _it. Anger flared up in me and I ran straight at them, grabbing Sven by his hair and ripping him away from Ryan.

"You fucking bastard!" I hissed and swung a hard punch at his face. My fist connected with his nose, blood started to gush through his nose. I swung at him again but someone pushed me back.

"Vad fan!"

"Wha- What? Tw- Two Felix's?" Ryan hiccupped. He had slid down the wall and was now sitting on the ground, eyes wide and frightened. He looked at me just as two large guards gripped my arms and started to pull me away. Sven was still kneeling on the ground but people were now crowding around him.

"F- Felix!" Ryan yelled and ran after me, stumbling many times and almost falling to the ground. "Wait!" The guards stopped for a second so Ryan could catch up. He kept hiccupping as he held in sobs, tears streamed down his flushed face. The site broke my heart.

"Don't you ever fucking talk to me again." I spat and with that last line I was dragged form the building and tossed out. Literally. There was a light pour of rain so I jogged to the car, got in and sped off. I probably passed the speed limit, I really didn't care though. Once home I parked the car and went inside Ryan and I's apartment and sobbed. I fell against the closed door and just cried. I cried for who knows how long, before I started to throw things. Everything was a blur and happened so fast. Pictures were torn from the walls, the glass breaking as it connected with the hard wood. Tables were flipped over, Ryan's things pulled from drawers and thrown to the ground. I collapsed to the ground when my anger subsided, the apartment settling into an eerie silence.

I can't be here when he comes home, I can't see him yet. I grabbed a small backpack and stuffed some clean clothes, toiletries and other things I would need into it then changed into casual clothes and heading out the door. It was pouring again so I got soaked but I didn't feel the cold seep through my clothes. I just got into the car, and drove.


End file.
